Beginnings Are Always Hard

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Beginnings are always hard. There’s no two ways about it. I actually think I used this same title half a dozen years ago for another blog… Going against one of the main rules in blogging, this post will be a bit rambling. I’m not a rule follower anyway.

I’ll start off by telling you a little obscure and not so obscure things about me so you know who you’re giving your precious time to. And it is precious.

My favourite crystal is moonstone, quartz, moonstone, quartz. My favourite crystals are moonstone and quartz. I prefer dogs over cats. Despite the photo above, you’ll rarely see me in anything other than black. My hair isn’t white. (I tried. I failed.) I didn’t like The Blair Witch Project the first time I saw it in 1999 and, despite it not being ‘scary’ enough, I didn’t dare go in the forest behind our house for a week. (It’s now in my top three.) I live in Sweden with musician-dad-of-one-all-round-good-guy Hravn who fronts the band Rimfrost. I’m crazily enthusiastic to the point of manic about my interests. I’m either up or down, rarely is there a middle ground. As is the case for most people with bi-polar, I struggle with middle ground.

Now that’s been said, on we go.

For the past week and a bit I’ve been so genuinely fucking excited about getting this blog started that it’s been hard to sleep at night because of the ideas scurrying around in my head like the soot sprites from My Neighbour Totoro. I spent hours designing my logo…

…and happily agonizing over which one to choose.

I spent days listing blog post ideas and doing preliminary research. (I won’t show you my notebook at this time because, as an immigration officer in America once told me, my writing ‘looks like chicken scrawl.’)

I spent far too long flitting between WordPress themes and customizing and flitting and customizing before settling with what you see here and will (will any luck) see for some time to come.

And then, when the time came last night (this was supposed to be put out there twelve hours ago) I had a quiet panic attack.

I’ve been hosting numerous other blogs for several years now (Wyrd Words & Effigies, The Girl With Cold Hands, Katie Metcalfe Blogger) and they’ve been my safe havens, my go-to places when the world has been a bit much, my much loved creative outlets that have also acted as therapists, best friends and family.

I’ve poured so much of myself into these spaces over the years that it felt almost wrong to be starting something new, as if my other blogs would feel as though I’d abandoned them – even though I haven’t, they’re just resting while I decide where to take them. (These weird thoughts could also be partly due to the fact that I’m overdue on getting a new prescription for my quetiapine…)

Then I remembered how my excitement was mixed with anxiety when I started those projects too, and I found myself calming down and feeling energized and empowered again.

After the initial panic of setting up a new blog, you do feel a real sense of empowerment and from my experience, with every new piece of energy you put into your blog, that feeling of empowerment expands.

Anyway. The blog you’ve found yourself at is going to be a living, messy manuscript of my wyrd, wonderful, sometimes difficult existence here in the North.

In my next post, I’ll talk about where my curiosity is heading in 2017, how I intend to bring more magick into daily life and anything else that crops up in the meantime that I think you should know. You best get the kettle on now, it’s going to be a long one…

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